And so farewell then state Rep. Christopher “Flim Flam” Flanagan, newest native Democrat pol to get lugged by the feds.
Comrade Flanagan was a chip off the previous block — he’d steal a sizzling range and are available again for the smoke. He touched all the things however the third rail.
The joke in Dennis was, how chilly was it on the Cape yesterday?
Reply: It was so chilly Flim Flam Flanagan needed to maintain his palms in his personal pockets.
Sadly, although, irrespective of how a lot cash he stole, Flim Flam Flanagan someway by no means actually match with the fashionable Democrats on Beacon Hill.
Think about for a second what number of strikes Flim Flam had going in opposition to him:
He was born within the USA.
He was married — to a girl! Who took his final title! A partner who’s by no means carried out time and has a pleasant Pepperidge Farm title like Ashley.
He has three children — and so they all share Flim Flam’s personal final title.
Briefly, Flim Flam Flanagan was a Democrat attempting to move as… an American, a standard American.
When Democrat apparatchiks like state Sen. Julian Cyr of Provincetown and get together chairman Steve Kerrigan regarded the likes of Flim Flam Flanagan, they recoiled in horror and thought… bizarre! Unclean!
Life is hard within the closet, attempting to move as each a Democrat and as an American. Ultimately you break down — like ex-Sen. Brian Joyce, for example. That sticky-fingered hack was so blended up that he obtained the nickname, “A number of Selection” Joyce.
Lastly, he fled Milton and died underneath mysterious circumstances at age 56. The double life was an excessive amount of. In all probability the 102-count federal corruption indictment didn’t assist both.
Flim Flam Flanagan was a minor-league model of A number of Selection Joyce. One among Flanagan’s first grifts was to arrange a pretend committee, run by a non-existent girl. The bogus group “Conservatives for Dennis” put out a mailer, a replica of which was thoughtfully included by the feds of their press launch.
Once you see the three phrases on the pretend flier that Flim Flam claimed that he embodied, you’ll perceive simply how huge a phony he’s:
“Chris Flanagan. Service. Honesty. Integrity.”
What a joke. A Massachusetts Democrat touting “Service. Honesty. Integrity.”
When you think about phrases that describe the traditions of Massachusetts Democrats, three totally different phrases come to thoughts, particularly, the three that Winston Churchill as soon as used to explain the traditions of the British Navy:
Rum, sodomy and the lash. (The final being for pleasure, not punishment, at the least within the case of native Democrats.)
Flanagan was first elected in 2022, the yr that Jim “Jones” Lyons and Geoff “DoorDash” Diehl had been operating the state GOP as a bust out — leaving the get together $600,000 in debt as Republicans had been crushed in each single contested election and referendum.
On the Cape, the GOP misplaced the district legal professional and the sheriff’s places of work, in addition to the state rep’s seat gained by Flanagan.
Hey, Barnstable County, how’s that one-party factor understanding for you now?
Based on the feds, along with the 1000’s he stole from his employer, Flim Flam additionally pilfered $220 for “private psychic providers.”
This was in July 2022, when Flanagan should have thought he was the underdog in a historically Republican district.
If that high-priced swami was any good at studying tea leaves in state politics, he should have informed Flim Flam Flanagan:
“So long as the Kool Support Kult is operating the Republican get together, my son, no Democrat will ever lose one other election in Massachusetts. It’s written within the stars.”
The fortune teller was proper.
Flanagan’s hack lawyer, failed Democrat pol Greg Henning, mentioned in courtroom Friday that Flim Flam has a coronary heart situation. At age 37. How handy! However taking a coronary heart assault after you’re lugged is simply too little, too late.
Nonetheless, different choices stay open for Flim Flam if he desires to return to the great graces of The Occasion and regime-controlled media in Boston.
He may convert to Islam. He may torch a Tesla dealership. He may transition right into a highschool pole-vaulting competitors for women.
No matter determined strikes he’s obtained up his sleeve, Flim Flam higher transfer quick if he desires to maintain that $100,000-a-year no-show job. He’s not the final solon happening on the State Home.
There’s a been one other posse of feds crawling throughout Lawrence these days. The truth is, when the primary headline about an indicted rep got here throughout the wire Friday, some assumed we’d quickly be saying “Adios amigo!” to a special Democrat on Northern Avenue.
Now that Flim Flam gained’t be stealing any extra money, he most likely can not afford high-priced mystical mumbo jumbo. So on his behalf, I requested a couple of questions of my very own private Magic 8 Ball yesterday.
My Magic 8 Ball has by no means been mistaken.
So I shook it and inquired, Is it potential Flim Flam will beat the rap?
“Very uncertain.”
Is he going from the State Home to the Massive Home?
“You could depend on it.”
President Trump generally provides pardons to crooked Democrats. Is it potential Flim Flam may rating one?
“Don’t depend on it.”
Does Flim Flam at the least have a shot at doing straightforward Membership Fed time at Devens like Carlos Hazard did?
“Reply hazy. Attempt once more.”
Look on the intense facet, although, Flim Flam. No less than once you get out of jail, you gained’t be deported. It’s powerful being a corrupt hack politician from Massachusetts today. However at the least so long as you’re born right here, they will’t denaturalize you after you end your stretch in Membership Fed.
And that’s greater than Boston Metropolis Councilor Tania Fernandes Anderson and ex-Sen. Dean Tran can say. It gained’t be straightforward for you, being a jailbird in Dennis Port.
However it can certainly beat being deported again to Africa, or Ho Chi Minh Metropolis, the place the welfare packages aren’t fairly as lavish what these freeloading overseas felons have gotten used to in Massachusetts.
Am I proper, Magic 8 Ball?
“It’s decidedly so.”
Initially Revealed:
