You’re Meatball Morrissey, the bust-out district lawyer of Norfolk County, and now the nightmare begins once more.
The second homicide trial of Karen Learn is about to start out, and also you’re simply not able to be described in each information story for the following two months as “Embattled Michael Morrissey.”
Should you’re embattled, you’re shedding. You’re in your manner out.
You would like you possibly can flee again to Grenada. You dream of crusing within the Windwards, not worrying about Turtleboy’s followers snapping unflattering photographs of you, not that there are another variety.
It appears so way back now, on the sloop within the Caribbean. It was January, after a blue Christmas, however you had been a hand on the Blue Peter, with loads of Blue Nun on board, and it was nothing however blue skies.
However now you’re again in Massachusetts, embattled, holed up within the bunker in Canton. You possibly can’t even go to the courthouse in Dedham as an observer as a result of the Free Karen Learn crowd can be throwing stuff at you, and never something tasty like powdered doughnuts or chili canine.
You’re embattled Michael Morrissey, and for the retrial you’ve employed your self yet one more “particular prosecutor.”
Particular prosecutors — you want ‘em for brooming circumstances, like with wealthy Epstein varieties from Marina Bay, and also you want ‘em for framing folks, like Karen Learn and Aidan Kearney.
The worst factor with a particular prosecutor is, you possibly can by no means get cash from a defendant once more. In the event that they’re loaded sufficient that it’s a must to repair the case for them, they’re afraid to maintain ponying up. Should you throw ‘em in jail, overlook about it. You possibly can’t win for shedding.
You’re Meatball Morrissey and your magic quantity is 70 — which is each your age and your belt in inches.
The excellent news is, you’ve nonetheless received $435,335 left in your marketing campaign struggle chest, sufficient to run both a really well-funded race for reelection, or, extra seemingly, to purchase 1,649 circumstances of Captain Morgan’s spiced rum to inventory in your glossy yacht, The Class Motion.
You examine your month-to-month marketing campaign receipts and also you sadly be aware that at your best-ever annual August birthday fundraiser in 2021, you had 420 contributors who ponied up virtually $70,000.
Final yr, on the identical occasion, your take plummeted to $19,000, from fewer than 140 folks.
Certain, a whole lot of the outdated gang is gone — Frank Bellotti, Invoice Delahunt, Bob Popeo — nevertheless it’s greater than that.
You’re Michael Morrissey, and also you’re political poison now. It’s been longer because you noticed a pleasant face on the road than because you final glimpsed your toes, and that’s a really very long time certainly.
However for those who do run for one more time period in 2026, you’ll be needing a slogan. How about, Reelect Morrissey — Not Simply One other Fairly Face. Or Morrissey — A Whale of a District Legal professional.
Or Reelect Morrissey — He’s Tons of Enjoyable.
You’re a bit nervous about this new particular prosecutor of yours, Hank Brennan, regardless of his impeccable credentials as a slobbering devotee of the Bulger Crime Household.
However how’s Brennan going to deal with the jury choice?
Does he perceive that if by some superb stroke of luck, he attracts a possible juror who “works” at Presidents Golf Course — he has to seize the man, as a result of he’s a hack, and Norfolk County payroll patriots do what you inform ‘em to do, in the event that they know what’s good for them, that’s.
Additionally, did Brennan comply with your directions to incorporate within the jury questionnaire — “Do you ever watch reruns of ‘The Dukes of Hazard?’”
As a result of anybody who is aware of “Boss Hogg” by sight would possibly mistake you for… oh, by no means thoughts.
You’re Michael Morrissey, and also you discover that you simply simply received a textual content from Michael Proctor, and he’s calling you “Skipper” and says now that he’s received a whole lot of time on his fingers he’d prefer to work this summer season on the Class Motion.
And he indicators it, “Gilligan.”
How did you get all these dummies working for you? If that crooked crapulous conehead cop had needed to maintain his phony-baloney trooper’s job, he ought to have executed the appropriate factor by you each August like Sgt. Bukhenik ($800) or Lt. Tully ($575).
Certain, the brand new colonel gave Tully the bum’s rush out of Canton, however not less than he’s not fired. Tully’s simply using the pine, like that fats fed fraud Brian Higgins.
So many new faces within the workplace. One in every of your ADA’s simply determined he was in reality a girl — went over to the probate and household courtroom and altered “their” title. “They” will in all probability have a judgeship from Maura by Memorial Day.
And what occurred to your hapless flack, Dave Traub? Oh that’s proper, he bailed too, however not less than you picked up a crackerjack substitute off the waiver wire.
David Linton — while you spend 40 years on the Attleboro Solar-Chronicle, you realize you should be one thing particular.
You’re Meatball Morrissey, and while you supplied Linton $75,000, he should have thought he’d hit Mega Thousands and thousands. You made him the Elon Musk of Attleboro.
One other message simply got here in from Michael Proctor, and now he’s saying, “Will minimize garden for Captain Morgan’s.”
Doesn’t Trooper Taillight know you’ve all the time had your grass minimize by Noel DiBona? He does such a pleasant job on the hedges, and he’s a lifelong Quincy hack, even for those who couldn’t get him elected register of deeds final yr.
You’re Michael Morrissey and also you’ve taken to second-guessing the profession path you launched into within the hackerama a half century in the past.
You make $223,442 a yr, however you get no respect.
You possibly can’t even stroll the canine anymore with out somebody pulling up in a automotive, honking the horn and hooting at you, “Is that Chloe? Has Chloe come again?”
You already know who doesn’t have to fret about these sorts of slings and arrows? Arthur Tobin, the courtroom clerk in Quincy, $174,532 a yr.
Speak about forgotten however not gone — he’ll be 95 in Might, and no person even is aware of who he’s anymore, as a result of virtually everyone who ever voted for him is deader than John O’Keefe and Sandra Birchmore and the underage girlfriends of all of the coked-up hacks in Marina Bay.
You assume Arthur Tobin is fearful about jury choice within the Karen Learn trial this week?
Or Sal Paterna, the clerk in Dedham? He’s 86, and no person’s on social media in search of separated-at-birth photographs of him and Fatty Arbuckle.
Why didn’t you turn out to be a clerk? Or a choose, like one other one in all your particular prosecutors, Bob Cosgrove. He’s received two pensions and he’s nonetheless received his snout buried within the trough in your payroll. He’s a triple dipper.
You’re Meatball Morrissey and the rumors are that subsequent there’s going to be a brand new Netflix documentary about you.
Working titles: “Meatball Morrissey: Double Chins and Double Jeopardy.” Or perhaps: “A Lamebrain’s Life: Loaded Pizzas or Simply Plain Loaded?”
