One queer man’s strategy to hardship in Twenty first-century America? Humor and optimism

When he was 16, Edgar Gomez had gleaming new veneers glued to his prime tooth. His freshly even smile was like a miracle: “I appeared like the true me,” he writes, “not that different, shame-filled model of me I’d been dwelling as earlier than.” Regardless of questioning how he may pay for his or her maintenance, Gomez believed all of the sudden that “cash would by no means be an issue once more. … Photographs of myself as a physician or a lawyer flashed behind my eyes, clinking wineglasses with my husband in our tasteful brownstone in Manhattan.”

This isn’t fairly how issues prove in “Alligator Tears: A Memoir in Essays,” Gomez’s entertaining second memoir. However the veneer story is a tidy fractal, delivering in miniature a lot of the ebook’s message. The dazzling gnashers are a logo, maybe, of the humor and optimism with which Gomez faces hardship.

Alligator Tears: A Memoir in Essays

For a self-described queer “Nica-Rican mutt,” one thing in regards to the veneers’ straightness and whiteness looks like a remark, as a lot of the ebook is, on the world’s uneven distribution of privilege. Maybe his new smile will, just like the tales he tells potential boyfriends and employers, obscure his childhood disadvantages and result in ever-greater success. However for all this, generally a veneer is only a veneer. As Gomez wrote lately, the expiration date for his false tooth has now handed, because the dentist foretold, and he’s scarcely higher outfitted to pay for brand spanking new ones than he was as a highschool junior.

That is one among many sad-funny vignettes in “Alligator Tears.” Like fellow memoirists Édouard Louis and Annie Ernaux, Gomez approaches life-writing as a method not simply to course of however to reprocess the previous. A handful of scenes recall his first memoir, “Excessive-Danger Gay”: rising up poor in Orlando, popping out, his discovery of his chosen household, the bloodbath on the Pulse nightclub in 2016. Readers could keep in mind his hard-working mom, taciturn brother and absent father; their tales are central once more right here. The ebook’s subtitle, “A Memoir in Essays,” is much less in regards to the discursive qualities of Gomez’s writing than a touch that the ebook may finest be understood as a sequence of makes an attempt: to seek out love and a spot on this planet, to outlive as a writer-activist and queer particular person of colour, to reencounter his mother and father on an equal footing.

Regardless of its title, there’s nothing insincere about “Alligator Tears.” Extra so even than “Excessive-Danger Gay,” it’s a ebook about survival on the sharp finish of Twenty first century American life. That is illuminated by the lives of Gomez’s mother and father. In the beginning of the ebook his mom suffers a stroke, introduced on by years of stress from elevating youngsters whereas working all hours at an airport Starbucks. Fifteen years later, through the pandemic, she’s nonetheless “risking every little thing to serve drinks to vacationers.” Even because the ebook ends, Gomez is launching a GoFundMe marketing campaign to assist her preserve her house. His father, in the meantime, is generally out of the image — dwelling in Miami after divorcing Gomez’s mom, and later in Puerto Rico, the place his addictions and geographic remoteness preclude correct parenting.

“I’m a memoirist,” Gomez writes. “There may be nothing I would like greater than a contented ending.” Therefore, maybe, the ebook’s redemptive form, which embraces each mother and father. His mom, whose first response to Gomez’s popping out had been chilly and distant, remorsefully reappraises her habits when she reads about it in “Excessive-Danger Gay.” Across the similar time, Gomez reconnects along with his father — a visit to see him for the primary time in 15 years results in a rapprochement and a stint dwelling in San Juan. The picture of them paddling within the ocean collectively as they start to heal is a bit of pat, but it surely’s additionally touching.

Gomez is particularly incisive on the American caste system, with which he, like his mother and father, is intimately acquainted. A system by which it’s normal for the brown child on the white faculty to be requested if he’s in a gang, the place it’s simpler for him to falsely confess to dealing weed than to disclaim it. There’s a darkish humor in his childhood desires: “In a single recurring fantasy of maturity, I labored an everyday nine-to-five at a cubicle in an workplace inputting numbers into spreadsheets.” In actuality he finds himself working at a name heart the place his lavatory breaks are queried; doing stints at Auntie Anne’s and J.C. Penney, the place he finds precise feces in a dressing room; and taking demeaning gigs at homosexual intercourse events.

Usually in tales like Gomez’s the conclusion of a artistic dream brings a form of salvation. However whereas seeing himself in print is trigger for celebration — and, as famous, helps heal childhood wounds — he’s damningly frank in regards to the labor economics of publishing. “Fifteen thousand {dollars}. Earlier than taxes and my agent’s fee, unfold out over two years. Fifteen thousand {dollars}. What I’d been working towards for years. Fifteen thousand {dollars}. Sufficient to fill my fridge a short while longer, to assist my mother.”

Any homosexual boy who grew up within the age of NSYNC and “America’s Subsequent High Mannequin” will acknowledge Gomez’s concern of “the three-letter phrase which may spoil every little thing” and his description of lies and loneliness, of dwelling in a society that tolerates you someday and wonders the following if letting you marry may result in individuals marrying their canines. Regardless of that, “Alligator Tears” doesn’t learn like a hardscrabble memoir. It’s nostalgia with a chew, but in addition a wry form of affection.

To grow to be a memoirist, one should imagine your story will curiosity others. Fortunately, Gomez is nice firm. Sometimes, the well-maintained persona of the “Sassy, Homosexual BFF” he knowingly adopts slides a contact and he dips into sententiousness — even when he’s proper, musings about “bigger programs of oppression” have the airless high quality of liberal boilerplate.

However typically reality hides in absurdity. After one breakup, Gomez collapses on the ground of his house and instructions Siri to play a tragic track. “However she misheard me, and he or she performed Sisqó’s ‘Thong Tune.’ ” It’s anecdotes like this, when the human particulars Gomez is so good at recognizing make his case for him, the place “Alligator Tears” sings.

Charles Arrowsmith relies in New York and writes about books, movies and music.